Fast Food Workers — Low Pay Is OK

If you live in the United States, then you’ve surely heard about all of the fuss surrounding the fast food strikes and those who work at such jobs demanding an increase in the minimum wage or a “livable income.” Now, I don’t watch or read too much of the news. Actually, I don’t watch or read any of the news, whatsoever. But, I do seem to gradually and inadvertently acquire a general, overall understanding of these types of plights through social media and other online sources whenever they tend to pop up on the radar. And, from what I can gather from this latest quandary, fast food workers all across the nation have recently become highly dissatisfied with their current financial compensation packages. Evidently, they don’t feel that they can support their families on minimum wage as it exists today and, as a result, they are demanding that minimum wage be increased to $15 per hour.

Now, I don’t possess any focused or particularized academic training in economics, political science, or sociology. But, what I do possess is a little bit of fucking common sense and personal accountability…attributes that these fast food workers seem to be completely and utterly devoid of. Like many others, I have spent a few of my own years working in the fast food service industry. So, I know first-hand that tending the register at Burger King sucks ass. I know that customers usually go out of their way to be total dingleberries. And, I also know that fast food pay is pretty lousy. But, rather than unjustifiably and arbitrarily demanding more income like all of these fast food people that are all up in arms right now, I simply quit fast food and got a better, more satisfying job that paid a better wage.

And, I know what you may be thinking. “Easier said than done.” Well, I don’t disagree with that statement. It is easier said than done. But, that still doesn’t mean that it can’t be done. People who are unhappy with the wages that they earn working in the fast food industry can earn better wages. It just may take a little bit of effort on their part. In fact, it’ll probably take a lot of effort. Up until this point, however, it just doesn’t seem that any of these trifling tater tots have had any real interest in taking any action to help themselves. Instead, they simply endeavor to place the blame for their own problems and poor decisions on the very businesses who employ them and provide what little means to live that they have in the first place. So, without further ado, here are the top 3 reasons why these bumbling burger-flippers need to shut their mouths and take some personal accountability.

1. Fast Food Jobs Require No Specialized Skills or Talents:  The whole reason that the compensation for those who work fast food jobs is so little is because the work that they perform can essentially be done by anybody. The job requires nothing more than listening to one of several pre-defined requests, punching buttons on a screen or register that correspond to that request, following simple instructions, and then executing an order. It’s not rocket science. Although, sometimes, you’d be led to believe that it is. I’d estimate that the margin of error at any given fast food restaurant at any given time is approximately 25% or greater. If I pull up to McDonalds and order a number 3 with no pickles and a Dr. Pepper and you somehow manage to bungle my order, you do not deserve a single cent above the national minimum wage. In fact, if you ask me, I’d say that you don’t even deserve minimum wage. What you deserve is a good, solid, reverse punch to the nuts!

2. Fast Food Wages Are Not Meant To Support A Family:  One of the reoccurring arguments for an increase in the minimum wage that I keep hearing from fast food workers is that receiving minimum wage does not enable individuals to adequately support their families. Well, they aren’t meant to, you idiots! This argument is analogous to me accepting a job as an information systems security engineer that pays $60,000 dollars a year, running out and buying a 1.5 million dollar home, and then complaining that I do not make enough money to pay my mortgage. And, you can rearrange the facts of that example in whatever sequence that you’d like to, but the outcome is still the same. These fast food workers would have it seem as though having a family is not a choice, like children just materialize out of thick, musky air. But, having a family is a choice. So, if you have no means to support a family, don’t start one. Crisis averted.

3. Fast Food Employees Accept Employment At Minimum Wage:  My final beef with these whiny fast food employees (pun intended) is the fact that they willingly and graciously accept the terms and conditions of their employment, and then they turn right around and have the nerve to bitch about them. It’s astonishing that this practice, alone, does not get these employees terminated. After all, these are not employees who have honed and developed their skills over a period of time. These aren’t employees who simply request a reasonable raise to offset the annual cost of inflation. No. These are individuals who knowingly accept a job that requires minimal skill and effort in exchange for minimal compensation. Then, they have the sheer audacity to turn around after no time at all and unfairly and unjustly demand nearly double the income that they initially agreed to and accepted.

So, there you have it. Working in the fast food service industry generally sucks balls and provides very little pay. I understand that. I get it. But, when an individual brings absolutely nothing to the table in terms of skills or capabilities and attempts to use his or her poor decision making as a crutch for sympathy, what in the world makes him or her think that they’re in a position to negotiate or demand a higher wage after they’ve already accepted the generous terms of employment offered to them to begin with? Whether it be ignorance, apathy, greed, or an overwhelming and unwarranted sense of entitlement, the next time that you hear fast food workers complaining about receiving minimum wage, you got this brah!

Brah Of The Month: Matthew Mcconaughey

I realize that I’ve been slacking for quite awhile as far as selecting and honoring a brah each month goes. So, for September, I thought I’d get back at it with one of my all-time favorite brahs. Now, you don’t have to be the most seasoned brah around to realize that Mr. Matthew Mcconaughey is one hell of a brah. Whether he’s running around Malibu without a shirt or purposefully making Sarah Jessica Parker terribly uncomfortable just for the fun of it, there’s simply no denying the fact that Matthew Mcconaughey is a true badass. He’s a brah that all other brahs across this great nation can model themselves after.

Matthew was born in Uvalde, Texas in 1969, but he grew up in a small east Texas town called Longview. After graduating high school, he attended and graduated from the University of Texas at Austin College of Communication, during which time he appeared in his break-out role in Dazed And Confused. Mr. Mcconaughey went on to star in several romantic comedies throughout the first decade of the 2000’s including The Wedding Planner, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, and Failure To Launch.

Thankfully, Matthew’s gotten back to making some fiercely, wicked movies lately, such as The Lincoln Lawyer and The Dallas Buyer’s Club. So, he seems to have found his way back to his true calling, and I look forward to seeing what he does in the coming years. Matt, you got this brah!

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge Is Stupid

If I had to choose just one reason over the past few weeks to deactivate or delete all of my social media accounts, it wouldn’t be all of the sluts and their selfies of themselves in bathtubs, it wouldn’t be all of the non-targeted, display network ads that I get bombarded with on a daily basis, and it wouldn’t even be because of all of the fools that are all upset over the Michael Brown shooting in Ferguson. No, it would simply be the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge!

Oh, how I hate the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Oh, how I hate it so very much! I hate the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Oh, yes…I hate it, I say. But, I have to admit that I didn’t even know what ALS was before the stupid Ice Bucket Challenge began and its band of fools began their crusade of the vain, wicked, and utterly foolish.

Here we are, three weeks later, and I still have no clue what the hell ALS is. But, here’s what I do know. The entire United States of America has run amuck over one-uping themselves over the stupid ALS Ice Bucket Challenge on nearly every social media platform available. And, nobody seems to be actually donating to the research, prevention, or treatment of ALS.

ALS has simply become a vehicle for social media-crazed attention whores to gain likes, followers, and exposure by acting like complete ass wagons on the internet. The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is no longer about those that have been diagnosed with ALS. Rather, it’s all about the snazziest, douche-nozzeled, chode munch who instagrammed the most-illest 15 second video of himself wasting a clean, scarce natural resource.

So, until people start engaging in the Boiling Bucket Challenge, I am simply unimpressed. I am not interested. I am not motivated. I am not captivated. And, I shall not waiver. The ALS “Ice Bucket Challenge” may have had noble beginnings. But, unfortunately, it’s now become just a pitiful excuse for deviant turds and other social media outcasts to seek validation for themselves. Hopefully, you don’t got this brah!

8 Dating Rules For Miley Cyrus

106.1 Kiss FM recently released a post on their website entitled, “8 Rules For Dating Miley Cyrus.” You can read it here. Now, I’m not sure whether the post is accurate or not. Maybe, it’s just a spoof or meant to poke fun and the raunchy, little ball of misplaced sexual energy. But, either way, the post lays out Miley’s supposed rules for dating her, which include having to sign a confidentiality agreement, no cameras or phones (I actually tend to agree with this one…no matter who you’re dating), and strict limitations as to what topics are acceptable and prohibited.

Here’s my problem. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a pretty narcissistic and arrogant, little bastard myself. But, I don’t go around setting standards for people that I haven’t already imposed upon myself as well. Miley’s a total mess! Of course, I don’t know her personally. I’ve never met her. But, every time that I see her or hear about her, she’s twerking on some small child at a McDonald’s playground or licking power tools in the middle of Home Depot.

I’m not saying that Miley isn’t a loving, caring person or someone who wouldn’t be a total blast to take to KFC for a bucket of fried chicken. I’m just saying that Miley is the one who would necessarily require a strict set of rules, boundaries, and limitations before she could ever be considered dating material. So, I’ve spent a good 5 minutes, and I think that I’ve come up with a pretty solid set of 8 rules that Miley would have to agree to be bound by before rolling out with me for a night on the town.

1. First thing’s first. Absolutely, under no circumstances, are you allowed to twerk, Miley. I don’t want the valet guys and servers abandoning their posts and running for the hills for fear of being sexually assaulted and humiliated in public as soon as we arrive on scene.

2. Your tongue must remain in either your mouth or my mouth at all times throughout the course of our date. I don’t even care if you have a small smear of mustard on your lip. On our date, you’ll be using a napkin and acting like a lady.

3. No onesies or leotards. If you’re going to accompany me on a date, your ensemble shall consist of two pieces: a top and a bottom.

4. You are absolutely prohibited from operating any motor-propelled aircrafts, boats, automobiles, or any other 2 or 4 wheeled vehicles.

5. You must chew with your mouth closed, Miley.

6. You are restricted to 1 drink per hour, and your blood-alcohol concentration must not exceed more than 0.12 at any given time while on the date.

7. Any discussions pertaining to your music, acting, or performances are strictly prohibited.

8. Any trips that you take to the ladies’ room must include washing your hands with soap.

So, there you have it, Miley. Hit me up!

North Shore Hawaii

Check out this ridiculous time lapse by Ryan Larson. It does a pretty badass job at relaying the awe-inspiring beauty of the North Shore. Seeing the clouds form and race by, the waves roll in and crash, and the sun reflecting off of the mountains is definitely going to get you pissed off that you’re sitting at home, in class, or at work. Plus, the track he used to score this is totally killer, and it totally captures the mood of the clip. Enjoy!