Ever Wondered Why 32oz Beers Exist?

Many brahs out there take for granted the 32 ounce beer. Likewise, many brahs take for granted those 16 ounce beers that come in the plastic bottles for that matter. You know? The ones that they sell at baseball games and concerts. But, why do they take 32 ounce beers for granted? It’s because they don’t understand the plethora of benefits that the ever-so-cherished 32 ounce beer offers!

Many brahs think that 32 ounce beers are for poverty-stricken people who can’t afford to upgrade to the standard 6-pack or full-on case. Not so! The reason that 32 ounce beers exist is because they are the perfect mobile pre-gamers. Think about it, brah! Why else would a beer come with a reusable, screw cap?

Now, I’m not one to condone drinking and driving, but this is undoubtedly the situation where the 32 ounce beer’s benefits become the most pronounced. Picture it for a moment. You and your brahs are headed to a new club to meet up with some girls, and you want to pre-game it for the trip downtown. But, what happens if you get pulled over along the way? What happens if you want to save some liquid refreshments to sip on while you and your brahs wait in the long line that’s wrapped half-way around the building?  Enter the 32 ounce beer. It is the perfect beer for the brah on the go! Therefore, the next time that you’re in the convenience store and you see that shelf full of 32 ounce beers, you’ll be down. Remember, you got this brah!

Dating a Hot Chick is Like Eating a Delicious Pizza

Everyone knows that hot chicks are totally hot! They’re used to being idolized, adored, pampered, and stalked by almost every guy that they come into contact with. This, of course, goes straight to their tiny, little brains. And, all of a sudden, they think that they’re too good for any guy who comes their way and offers to buy them a drink. Therefore, it’s no shocker that it’s sometimes difficult to score a date with one of these girls. Today, however, we’re not going to concern ourselves with the methodology of locking down a date with one of these hot chicks. Instead, I’m here to let you in on a little, well-known secret that will help to lift your spirits in the event that you’ve been rejected by one of these girls.

Dating a hot chick is like eating a delicious pizza. You see a pizza commercial or one of your brahs mentions Little Caesar’s, and it immediately attaches itself to your mind. Nothing has ever sounded better! So, you exert the effort, front the loot, and not long afterwards you’re sitting in your apartment engulfing the first piece of pizza which has never tasted better. You take down a second piece, quickly followed up by a third. By the time you’re on your fifth piece, however, the pizza you once so longed-for and covenanted tastes like a piece of cardboard smeared with Ragu spaghetti sauce. Your stomach rumbles as you look down and see the huge puddle of grease that has stained the middle of your paper plate, and you are exhausted. All of a sudden, you realize that that pizza you initially thought was delicious turned out to be a horrible idea.

It’s the same exact thing with dating a hot chick. The first week, she smells incredible, shares your passion for health and fitness, and she handles great. The second week, she smells pretty decent, strength trains a bit but seems to primarily focus on cardio, and the ride can seem a little harsh at times. After a few months, the girl straight up smells like a can of Neutrogena bronzer, restricts her training routine to twenty minutes on the elliptical while reading Cosmo, and you’ve discovered that her front end is all out of whack!

Now, I’m not saying that there’s no excitement to be had from dating a hot chick. There is! I’m just simply saying that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. So, the next time you’re in the club, offer to buy a hot chick a Long Island, and your offer gets turned down just try and remember the diminishing return you experienced with that delicious pizza. It’s the exact same thing with dating a hot chick. You Got This Brah!

You Must Seek Your Brah’s Permission Before Banging His Ex

Sooner or later, every guy out there encounters this difficult dilemma. Your brah has been with his girl for almost a year. She is smoking hot, and she even has the capacity to be charming at times. Not to mention the fact that she’s a total flirt. So, the day finally comes when your brah is done putting up with her drama, and the two of them call it quits. They go their separate ways for good. Must you seek your brah’s permission before you go pumping away on his ex-girl?

The simple answer…yes! It goes back to the most fundamental pact that brahs share with one another. Brahs before hoes! But, what if your brah was the one who initiated the break-up, you may ask. What if he longs for a pack of rabid squirrels to sexually assault his ex-girl on her way to the mailbox in the evening? What if your brah has already secured a replacement who far outshines his ex-girl? It doesn’t matter!

It all goes back to respect. Whether you’re just looking to bang your brah’s ex-girl or whether you want to shower her in love and grow old with her (homo), under no circumstances should you let that eclipse the relationship that you and your brah share together. So, next time your brah’s ex-girl is batting her long eyelashes at you from across the dance floor, just remember…you got this brah!