How To Politely Inform Another Brah That His Girl Is Cheating On Him

Regrettably, I used to hang out in Denton, Texas quite a bit. So, for awhile, it was quite a common occurrence that I’d meet random girls who went to UNT and inevitably be duped into hanging out with them at some point or another. Now, if you’ve never had the pleasure of meeting a girl from UNT, let me give you a heads up. Girls from UNT are granola-eating, gluten-free, hipster, vegans who sit around their shitty lofts all day painting impressionistic portraits of Zooey Deschanel while listening to the shittiest music imaginable. They’re awful. Just awful. But, some of them are kind of hot.

One night, the girl who I was dating at the time was set to get married that very same night to some dude (not me), so I decided to head up to Denton with some of my friends to take my mind off of what a wretched, little slut she was. We hit the club and, before I knew it, I was absolutely hammered and hanging out with this smoking hot UNT girl. This was her. She wanted me to go home with her to “hang out” some more and, evidently my friends thought that this was a good idea, because they convinced me to go with her.

But, once we got back to her place, all that I was really interested in was drinking more until I passed out, which is exactly what I did. It’s not that I wasn’t into her. I was just too preoccupied with drinking the night away, and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to determine whether or not I wanted to smash or pass her just yet. So, I woke up the next morning only to realize that, not only did she have a boyfriend, but she lived with the poor bastard! Of course, she had some weak, worn-out excuse about how the guy was only her roommate, but I certainly knew better.

Later that day, after meeting back up with them, my friends asked me what had ended up happening with my little scene queen, and I told them about the boyfriend. That’s when one of my friends educated me on the proper and polite way to inform another brah, who is a complete and total stranger, that his girl is cheating on him or being unfaithful. He asked me if I had left a coin for the boyfriend. Puzzled and bewildered, I answered in the negative and inquired about what exactly he meant. My very wise friend told me that it’s customary brah code to leave a penny, dime, quarter, or whatever coin that you have, underneath the shaving can of any guy whose girlfriend you just accidentally banged.

Needless to say, I was simply in awe of this technique. It’s simple, discreet, delicate, and effective. It avoids any unnecessary confrontation, awkwardness, or resentment, but it still gets the message across. I almost wanted to call the girl back up for another night just so I could fulfill my duty to the boyfriend and pay my respects. I never did. But, I will now and forever know what it means if, on that one fateful day, I should go to shave and find a coin underneath my can of shaving cream. And, so will you. You got this brah!

1 Comment… add one
ThaBest July 28, 2014, 9:45 pm

Great. Now every time I find a penny in my bathroom imma slap my hoe!

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