When I first heard that Jagermeister had released a new flavor of Jager, I don’t think that I could have been any more excited than if someone had told me that a new type of girl with two vaginas had just been discovered. I was pumped, to say the least. So, you bet your sweet ass that I immediately dropped everything that I was doing and hightailed it directly up to the nearest liquor store so that I could partake in this new, exquisite joy of life.
Now, if you’re like me, you’re a monument to the ideal notion of a true brah, and you love Jager. Who the hell cares if the taste of black licorice is pleasing or not? I’d drink Jager as a shot. I’d drink Jager at 10:00am, on the dot. I’d drink it all alone. And, if I drank it with my friends and they asked for some, I’d require that they get their own. Jager simply rules balls! So, let’s take a closer look at the new Jager Spice and feel the burn as it raises all of our blood alcohol concentrations to an unprecedented level.
First of all, Jager touts it’s new Spice as a cinnamon and vanilla blend, which it describes as a “kinder, gentler Jager.” Now, when I first heard this, I thought to myself, “who the hell wants a kinder, gentler Jager?” But, after enjoying a few shots (7…if you want to be a dick and get technical about it) of the new blend at 28 degrees fahrenheit, my concerns about the exact amount of alcohol that it contains seemed to diminish into thin air right along with all of my other usual and customary inhibitions. Plus, the fact that the new Jager doesn’t contain as much alcohol as the original makes it significantly more receptive to morally compromised coeds when they attempt to feed you that all too well known and rehearsed, “bad things happen when I drink Jager” excuse.
But, by far, the most exciting feature of the new Jager is the indubitable fact that it simply tastes absolutely delicious! Let’s be real. Any liquor that you could substitute for maple syrup and pair with a fat stack of pancakes is undeniably a true winner. Yes, the new Jager is a true pillar of perfection. So, the next time that you find yourself browsing through the isles of the liquor store searching for something new and exciting, you got this brah!