How To Win At Rock, Paper, Scissors Everytime

If you’re like me, then you take extensive pride in excelling at really stupid, pointless games that don’t matter at all in life. And, what’s more stupid and pointless than rock, paper, scissors? I mean, let’s be real. The game takes absolutely no physical exertion whatsoever. There are no materials or equipment required to square off against an opponent. And, a heated battle can develop at the drop of a New Era cap anywhere at anytime!

Now, most brahs believe that rock, paper, scissors is simply a game of pure chance or bare luck. But, nothing could be further from the truth! The fact of the matter is that rock, paper, scissors usually comes down to a game of 2 out of 3. And, there is a simple strategy that you can apply to this lovely, little game to ensure that you dominate your uninitiated opponent each and every single time that you play. So, whether you’re betting on who’s got the next case of Keystone or which one of your brahs gets the booty rights to your girl in the event of your unexpected and untimely death, here is a fail-safe method that you can apply after the first round of rock, paper, scissors that will virtually guarantee victory during the second and third rounds:

You Win the First Round — Should you prevail in the first round, your opponent is naturally predisposed to automatically default to the winning position that you so triumphantly utilized during that round. Therefore, in the next round, you will simply want to select the position that would have conquered your previous winning position during the last round.

You Lose the First Round — Should you suffer defeat during the first round, your opponent will invariably rely on the same exact position that just brought him victory for the following round because he’s a creature of habit and a complete idiot. Therefore, if you lose the first round, you’ll simply want to select the position that would have prevailed over your opponent’s winning position during the previous round.

So, the days of rock, paper, scissors being a child’s game, designed for a random outcome in which no particular player has an advantage over any other, are gone. You got this brah!

1 Comment… add one
Lal Doll May 7, 2014, 3:58 am

This article is way too confusing. I’ll just take my fucking chances!

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