Alright brahs. Today, we’re going to be discussing how to hookup with randoms on Twitter. Day after day, week after week, I see all of these lackluster, bumbling tweets aimed at knocking down some good ol’ fashioned strange by brahs that actually seem to be pretty chill. Their problem is that they just have no clue how to go about accomplishing this delightful, little task. So, it doesn’t matter whether you’re into scene queens or the ratchetest hoes out there. I’m going to lay out some simple ground rules that’ll help you bang the crap out of every single one of your #WCWs from this point on.
But, before we begin, let me just take a moment to say this — if you’re not using Tweetdeck — start now! I’ll be honest, before I discovered Tweetdeck, I didn’t really know what the hell I was doing on Twitter either. I’d tweet the occasional tweet, read my timeline, and favorite or retweet something from time to time, but that was basically about it. It wasn’t until one of my good brahs told me to download this app that I really grasped the beauty of Twitter and how it actually works and connects you to different people. So, I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. Get Tweetdeck! Got it? Good, now let’s get on with it.
So, here’s the thing. Girls on twitter are just like girls in real life…except way sluttier. Therefore, if you want to increase your chances of smashing a chick on Twitter, you want to find a girl who shares at least one common interest with you just like when you’re scouting for talent in real life. How do you do this? You simply search for something that you’re interested in or something that’s popular. For example, the Bachelorette is on television tonight. So, if you type “Bachelorette” in the search bar and hit enter, you’ll instantly see a bunch of desperate, bi-polar girls who are hungry for the D tweeting about the show. Then, from there, it’s just like being at school or in the bar. You simply select your first target, strike up a conversation, and it all goes from there. And, don’t actually use the Bachelorette, because that’s probably a pretty bad example. No girl’s going to let you tend to her lady garden if she thinks that you’re homosexual. But, you get the general idea.
Next, you need to hone in and focus your aim on randoms who are local or at least somewhat proximate to your geographic location. There’s no point in spending 15 minutes lathering up some slam piece only to find out that she lives someplace that’s 5 hours ahead of your time zone. I find that the easiest, most efficient way to do this is to concentrate your search criteria on schools, sporting events, and concerts. For example, if you live in Chicago and you know that Drake is playing there tonight, search for Drake. Bitches love Drake. And, it doesn’t matter if you’re not going to the concert. The point is that — by searching for Drake, who you know is in Chicago — you will automatically narrow most of your targets down to all of the skanky, stoner chicks who live in Chicago that are tweeting about Drake.
Last, but not least, take a moment to scan your target’s bio once you get a few tweets deep with her. Imagine how much play you’d get at work or in a club if every single clam box in the joint had her top two favorite interests stamped onto her forehead. Seriously, think about it. Yeah…well that’s what you have with Twitter.
So, there you have it brahs. Follow these simple tips and your DMs will be overflowing with nudes in no time. And, that’s what it’s all about…the DMs. First, come the favorites. Then, come the retweets. Next, you’re getting the replies. And, before you know it, you’ll be getting those coveted DMs. You got this, brah!