Dating a girl who is into sports is kind of like throwing a rock at an occupied police cruiser. At first, the whole idea seems joyful, thrilling, and rewarding…all at the same time. But, just about the time that the rock hits the ground after splintering Officer Bumblefoot’s windshield and causing him to spill his coffee all over himself, you realize that your ingenious plan may not have played out just as well as you had imagined as you convulse into a full-on seizure, feeling the full effects of neuro muscular incapacitation as the 5,000 volts of electricity from Officer Bumblefoot’s Taser X26C pulse throughout every single inch of your body. Still not quite sure how stoning police officers and their cruisers relates to dating chicks who are into sports? Well, follow along as I breakdown the top 10 reasons why dating a girl who is into sports totally sucks ass…
1. Guys like to kick back, crack open a cold one, and watch the game with their brahs. And, if your girl is just as feverish about sports as you are, that means that she’ll inevitably end up invading you and your brahs’ coveted and protected game time. You’ll never be able to get rid of her!
2. Any girl who yells at the television with chunks of hot wings hanging from her teeth is simply bad news.
3. Girls who are into sports necessarily want children so that they can raise them into becoming sports players…which means that they, themselves, will inadvertently end up becoming fat, frumpy soccer moms who drive Toyota Siennas.
4. No girl looks hot in a jersey. Especially if it’s pink.
5. If a girl can rattle off sports statistics just as fast as your bud light-guzzling brahs, your junk will never, ever tingle while thinking of them. Ever!
6. It’s an automatic, stipulated fact that, no matter what she says, your girl has already knocked out her entire high school football team, and she will surely ditch you at the drop of a cleat if she ever has the chance to lay out for a professional player.
7. She’d be totally down to have a one-night-lesbian-stand with Jillian Michaels. And, Jillian Michaels is the devil!
8. All of your brahs will foolishly want to bang your girl because they won’t have read this post.
9. She’ll feel the compelling need to constantly remind you that she’s into sports, e.g., Dallas Cowboys Santa hat, Phoenix Suns mousepad, Chicago White Sox coasters, Lebron undies, etc.
10. A girl who is into sports farts in her sleep, and it smells like cheese and beer.