Urinal And Bathroom Etiquette For Brahs

We’re all brahs here, so I’m pretty sure that we’ve all probably experienced this same situation before at one point or another in our lives. Picture this scenario for a moment using the picture above. You’ve been pounding back pints of Bud Light for the past three hours at your local bar. Already feeling somewhat compromised, you realize that you have to go break the seal and take a piss. So, you head to the bathroom and find 3 vacant urinals arranged just as in the picture above. Being the formidable brah you are and without regard to the fact that you are somewhat intoxicated at this point, you select the outside stall either to the left or right because you’re a true gentleman who is meticulously versed in the pillars of etiquette. But, as soon as you break loose, another brah walks into the bathroom and suddenly mans up right next to you at the middle urinal. Taken completely off-guard, you begin to wonder. Is he homosexual? Is looking for a “share and compare” session? Or, perhaps he’s the scorned husband of that hot waitress that you banged in the back dumpster of Chili’s last weekend, and he’s come to exact his revenge.

Well, fear not brahs. More likely than not, the loser who has just intentionally and knowingly whipped his dong out less than 2 feet away from you has done so for no other reason than the fact that he simply has absolutely no concept of the brah code and how bathroom etiquette works. Now, I know that you know exactly what I’m talking about. But, for the sake of the socially inept, I’m going to break it down.

Let me preface by saying that, if you’re dealing with only two urinals, this rule obviously doesn’t really apply. Additionally, the more urinals you have to work with, the more room you have to satisfy this rule of etiquette. But, for illustrative purposes and the sake of simplicity, let’s just stick with our three urinals.

So, you have to take a piss, and all three urinals are vacant. Which one do you choose? Well, you choose either the left or right one to either side of the middle one. Why? Because, the object here is simple…you don’t want to piss next to anyone, and you don’t want to force anybody to have to piss right next to you. So, let’s say you go with the outer-right urinal. During mid-stream, another brah walks in who has to take a piss. According to procedure, that brah should intuitively select the left-outer urinal leaving one vacant one in between the two of you. Now, should a 3rd brah enter the bathroom to relieve himself, he’ll naturally and quite innocently default to the middle urinal through no harm or fault on his part because it’s the only one available.

Seems simple and intuitive enough right? Wrong. I can’t tell you how often and how many times I’ve seen this basic, carnal instinct of man literally get pissed on over and over again. Therefore, next time you have to take a piss, you got this brah!

4 Comments… add one
The D September 18, 2013, 2:37 am

You just want to see my slong

Yonkers September 20, 2013, 12:24 pm

Thank god somebody has finally explained this in writing! Can’t stand men who haven’t grasped this concept.

Jamie September 23, 2013, 11:47 am

Guys are so weird. get over it!

Cormega September 27, 2013, 3:57 pm

This is ridiculous and it happens ALL the time!


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