There are very few tried and true realities of life brahs, but there is one pillar of wisdom that you can always count on that will never, ever lead you astray. And, I’m sure that all of you have encountered this bullshit line all too many times before. You know what I’m talking about. Some chick, who is just aching to have you ride her face, keeps texting and calling you in an attempt to get you to take her out for a night on the town in hopes that you may end up finger-banging her while the two of you ride the Flashback at Six Flags. And, since she’s not half ugly as is, you succumb to her wishes and agree to meet her up. However, you intuitively forgo the amusement park rollercoaster date and opt to meet her up at a local bar instead.
Immediately upon shoving up to the bar, your attention is naturally drawn to all of the much hotter girls with duck lips and lost souls who are straight-up, certified bangable. However, you’re a stand up brah so, as a result, you simply try to focus the majority of your attention on the defunct slam-piece you currently have on hand who you’ve so generously devoted your evening to. As time runs its course, however, your date begins to take painstaking notice of all the much more talented pieces of ass floating around your proximity. She also seems to have picked up on your ever so slight wandering of the eye.
This is when she’ll inevitably bring up some bullshit, slutty story or subject and recount how most girls are too much this or not enough that. She’ll drone on and on until you think you’re going to be forced to have to take covert wells shots on the down low every time you excuse yourself to “use the men’s room.” Finally, her insecurity will reach such a fever pitch that she’ll hopelessly say it. The line that all psychotic girls use. “I’m not like every other girl you know, I…blah blah blah.” This is the point during the evening that you will know with constitutional force beyond any reasonable doubt that your date is absolutely, positively without a doubt just like every other girl! She cries during chick flicks. She’s never had a threesome, and she doesn’t want to try it. She hates spiders. She does want to get married, and fast. She hates your AC/DC tattoo. She farts after eating Chipotle. She thinks cooking consists of simply boiling some noodles, microwaving some Ragu sauce, and combining the two to make spaghetti.
Yes, make no mistake brahs, as soon as a girl drops this line run. Run far, far away. You got this brah!