Why No Formidable Brah Should Ever Smoke E-Cigs

I’m not really going to spend too much time on this topic because, quite honestly, it’s not rocket science. It’s not like we’re not trying to get a compromised scene queen from Austin, Texas to go from ass to mouth here. So, if you’re really anxious to get down to the nitty gritty of it, the overriding reason why no formidable brah should ever smoke e-cigs is really quite simple. It’s just completely uncool!

You disagree with me? Still a bit uncertain? Well, do me a favor then. I want you to think of one person, either real or fictional, who smokes e-cigs. Now, do you admire that person? Would you consider that person to be a badass? Hell no! You’ve never seen Billy Bob Thorton or Megan Fox smoking an e-cig have you? No. And, do you know why? Their agents and publicists would murder them! Billy Bob and Megan would both be broke, homeless, and spend the remainder of their days offering out $5 hand jobs in Walmart parking lots if they were known for smoking e-cigs.

If you still need some convincing, I’m sure you’ve all seen that pitiful advertisement for Blu e-cigs where poor, lost Stephen Dorff is promoting e-cigs because, “best of all, there’s no offensive odor.” He also seems to be quite thrilled that, “with Blu e-cigs, you can smoke at a basketball game if you want to.” And do you know what that tells us? That, right there, proves that e-cigs are not cool because they are inoffensive. They are safer. They aren’t as dangerous as traditional cigarettes. It’s like trying to convince an alcoholic who’s liver is slowly failing to take up drinking non-alcoholic beers to combat the onset of cirrhosis. If you’re truly concerned about your health and the consequences of smoking, then man up and just quit smoking for the love of God.

Traditional cigarettes have been and will continue to be cool because they surround you in a protective cloud of deadly poison. And, by smoking a real cigarette, you are symbolically telling the world, “I am too badass to care that I am slowly killing myself for no particular reason.” Or, in other words, you are saying “I am totally someone who you would probably enjoying banging for one night.” So, next time you see your buddy pull out an e-cig in a bar or at a basketball game, you got this brah!

3 Comments… add one
Daddy Purple Pants August 14, 2013, 3:06 pm

Ecigs are 100% gay!

Reply
Your Mom in a BIND August 15, 2013, 1:54 am

Heart Don’t Fail Me Now…You’re Gay as They Come!

Reply
REcoup August 18, 2013, 7:31 pm

I remember when Steve was in that Brittany Spears video. What the hell?

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