If you’ve ever dated a real living and breathing female, I’m sure you’ve experienced this situation before. Some random chick who you don’t really care about pursues you and pressures you into spending some time with her. Not long after, you realize that she’s completely annoying but, nonetheless, you finally cave in to the pressure and start dating her because, aside from her crooked earlobes, she’s pretty smokin’ hot. However, after a few months of dating her, she finally wises up and realizes that you don’t care about who she is as a person and why her dad did those horrible things to her. So, she breaks up with you.
But, you’re a brah. So, of course, life just goes on as normal for you. You move on. But, just like clockwork and whether you’re expecting it or not, your ex girlfriend will text or call you at some point after she has broken up with you to invite you over to watch “Once Upon a Time in Mexico” at her place. It may take three months. Or, it may take six months. But, it will happen, brah. Trust me!
Now, you may be asking yourself, “Why in the world would my ex girlfriend, who specifically broke up with me because I was a total asshole, all of a sudden decide to invite me over to watch a movie with her?” Well, she generally does this for one of two different reasons. Girls either get lonely, or they find a guy who they think is less of an asshole than the current guy that they’re dating. In fact, no matter what you think or what they say, these are the only two reasons girls ever even date in the first place.
Think about it. Your girl breaks up with you. First, let’s assume that it’s because you’re such an asshole that she truly believes that she’ll be happier all alone. So, she breaks up with you and, for the first few weeks, she is much happier without you. But, as time wears on, she begins to miss having someone to go to dinner with and take long walks with. Not to mention someone who will pay her rent and buy all of her crap. At this point, as long as she hasn’t met another guy who she considers to be less of an asshole than you were, she’ll start to minimize how horrible you were to her in her mind, and she’ll inevitably call you up and invite you over in an attempt to reassure herself that she’s not the pitiful slore that she actually is.
Now, let’s go back and assume that your girl breaks up with you because she has found another guy who she thinks will be less of an asshole than you are. It’s not too difficult to trick a delicate, young coed into thinking that you share her passionate disdain over racial inequality in the justice system over the course of a few quick dates here and there. And, that goes for any seasoned brah. So, she ditches you and swings for the fence with her new prospect. Well, just as before, it won’t take long for her to realize that her new guy is just as big of a dick as you were. And, because you were the last guy that she banged, she’ll instinctively begin to compare the two of you. Only, by now, you’ll naturally come out on top because several months will have passed since you told her that the associate degree in petro-engineering that she worked so hard for is about as impressive as a hooker who can swallow a banana whole. Therefore, she’ll call you up in hopes of a fresh start and a second chance at happiness.
So, there you have it, brahs. Now, you’re ready, armed, and prepared. Whenever an ex girlfriend randomly calls you up to invite you over for a movie, you’ll instantly know that she’s either deeply depressed and lonely, or she’s just broken up with the asshole that she dated after you. So, the next time an ex calls you up out of the blue and invites you over to watch a new movie that she recently got from Redbox, just remember that she’s really hoping that you’ll still be interested in her box. You got this brah!