Voicemail From Deranged Ex Girlfriend

I was rummaging through some of my old audio files the other day when I came upon this little gem. As some of you may know, I sometimes like to humor myself and think that I’m at least somewhat of a half-way decent musician. Well, several years ago, I was over at a friend’s house tracking some vocals for a song that we were working on at the time when all of a sudden my phone started blowing up like a forgotten, burmese mine field. It was my ex girlfriend, who I was still living with at the time and hadn’t managed to completely sheer away from yet. My friend and I found such humor in her frenzied and unbalanced mental state that we hatched an ingenious scheme to record one of the voicemails that she left for me that night and have some fun with it.

And, I already know what you’re thinking. Why in the hell is my ex girlfriend calling me to see where I’m at and when I’m coming home? I’ll tell you why. While the two of us were in a dating relationship together, she didn’t think that I listened to her or appreciated her and all the other typical crap that hot, soulless girls regularly bitch about. Therefore, what does she do? Rather than coming to me and expressing her feelings in a rational manner, she breaks up with me in an attempt to make me realize the fact that I took her for granted. Well, let’s just say that her plan didn’t quite exactly work out the way that she had intended. Instead, I tranquilly ponied up a few grand to break my lease and, a few months later, freedom was mine! I was partying, boozing up, making money, and meeting girls left and right. I can’t say I took much out of that relationship, but at least I came away with this audible treasure. And, now you too can enjoy it. You got this brah!

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