How To Get Served In A Crowded Bar

It’s 10:45 on Saturday night, and the aesthetic chick from the gym that you’ve been working on has just texted you to inform you that she’s at that new, ultra-exclusive bar that everyone’s been talking about. Now, you’re not really sure if she’s just trying to up her value by boasting on her proximity to certain real estate or whether she genuinely wants to meet up with you. But, either way, you’re just chillin’ with your brahs at home, and you’ve been waiting to pound the hell out of this girl for weeks. Therefore, you wait a proper 30 minutes or so before leaving so that you can finish your shredding on the current tour you and your buddies have going in Rock Band. Plus, you don’t want to appear overly anxious by popping up at the bar right after you receive her text.

So, after awhile you finally make it to the new, glammed-out bar around midnight only to find out that the joint is packed ass-to-ass and junk-to-junk. After a grueling 2 to 3 mintues, you finally get a lock on your potential slam piece. As she hugs you, you immediately notice that she’s about to run dry on her martini, and there’s no way in hell that you’re going to be able to sustain your interest in her trivial banter all night long without at least a moderate to heavy buzz. Impatiently, you quickly scan your surroundings and realize that scoring a couple of drinks in this joint may not be any simple task. But, fear not brahs. I’m here to provide you with a few quick tips that will help you belly up to the bar and get you sloshed out of your mind at record speed.

Eye Contact: The best (not to mention the easiest) way to get a bar tender’s attention is to establish eye contact. Once you make eye contact with a person, it’s pretty hard for them to ignore you for long after that. But, beware, you’re not trying to engage the bar tender in some sort of a creepy staring contest. You’re simply trying to get noticed. Therefore, as soon as eye contact is established with the bar tender, pleasantly smile and perhaps try nodding your head a bit. This will zero the bar tender’s attention in on you and help to get a cold drink in your hand.

Be Prepared: There’s absolutely no point in aimlessly standing at the bar trying to nail down one of the bar tenders only to succeed in doing so and then realize that you have no clue what you’d like to order and how you’re going to pay. So, have your cash or card in hand, and know exactly what you’re going to order. The more efficient that you make your transaction with the bar tender, the more likely you will be to get served quickly the next time around.

Flirt: First, a warning. Don’t go overboard on this, or it will actually work against you. So, if you’re going to attempt it, make damn sure not to screw it up! That being said, there’s nothing like a little, witty back and forth banter to break the ice and get in good with the bar tender. Often times, bartenders seem busier than they are. They can engage in conversation while helping other patrons with their drinks. And, quite often, bar tenders find solace in a real conversation that isn’t just an order being barked by an overly aggressive drunk or another pick up line from some douche. This ensures that they’ll keep coming back to you after serving other drinks in order to continue the conversation. And, that means more alcohol whenever you need it, or even better…a free shot here and there!

Tip Well:  This one is the mother load! If you’re planning on getting completely hammered all night long, generous tipping will ensure prompt service on repeat visits to the bar. Even if you’ve opened up a tab with a credit card, give the bar tender a decent tip in cash each time that you mosey up to the bar and get a drink. The bigger the tip, the more likely the bar tender is to hit you immediately, skipping over other people in order to do so. Therefore, the next time that you make your way up to the bar…you got this brah!

2 Comments… add one
Mr. Dong July 30, 2013, 12:20 pm

I just always yank out my junk and boom…instant drinks!

Tarrin Yero July 30, 2013, 4:41 pm

I just stay away from bars that are packed. Simple as that!


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