Whether you’ve been dating your girlfriend for a few weeks or a couple of years, you know as well as I know that, at any given moment, she’s about one paxil away from completely blindsiding you and uprooting your life with some new whimsical, glitter-bombed scheme of hers. Perhaps she decides to quit her well-paying office job at the hospital to allow more time for her to devote to volunteering at the animal shelter and rescuing puppies. Or, maybe she becomes convinced that purchasing a pair of Louboutins every month would be a better investment as opposed to saving up for a nicer apartment. The more girls that you date, the better your understanding of their interminable and sweeping capability of concocting laughable, absurd goals at the drop of a dime. Today, I’m going to provide you with a heads up and supply a few integral clues that may help you intercept your girl’s foolish plan to move to Las Vegas. Here goes, brah! Your girl may be planning to move to Vegas if…
1. She currently has no job, but she does has extensive experience working at tanning salons.
2. She recently purchased a protective Playboy skin for her phone.
3. She increases her workouts from 20 minutes to 2 hours of moderate cardio on the elliptical.
4. She purchased a one-way ticket to EDC.
5. She recently had a pair of rockets installed (fake boobies).
6. Everything in her apartment suddenly becomes pink.
7. She yanked her eyebrows out, and it looks as though she had Joan Crawford draw them back on her head with a Sharpie marker.
8. She doesn’t seem all too concerned about where she’s going to be living in a few months.
9. She increases the length of her virgin, de-pigmented hair extensions by more than 6 inches within a 3 month period.
10. She decides to capitalize on the complimentary botox session that she received when she purchased her rockets.