Keep Your Love Life Off Facebook

It’s cool, brah. It goes without saying that you and your girl love each other. However, it can also go without constantly saying it on Facebook! Every brah has that one friend who can’t make it through a single day without posting up some homo, self-assuring bullshit about how his slightly overweight and unemployed girl is the best girlfriend ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, (you think) she looks great in her leopard-print wrap monokini. We remember when she sprinkled some Sargento cheddar cheese over some Tostitos and “made you dinner.” And, we all know about that time she surprised you with a diet Rockstar and a pack of Skittles when you had to work late. Come on. No one cares, brah!

First thing’s first. If you feel the need to constantly post up on Facebook about how great you and your girl’s relationship is with one another, that immediately throws up a red flag to everyone that something’s wrong, brah. You need recognition? Perhaps a little reassurance? I have a great relationship with my girl too, but you don’t see me posting up pics of us at the Sonic drive-in talking about “date night” do you? No. Of course not, brah!

Second, unless your girl is a cross between Joan Crawford and Zahia Dehar, your jabbering on and on about how smoking hot she is on Facebook will only make all of your friends knit-pick her apart flaw by flaw in an attempt to restore some balance and order to their wall. You may think your girl doesn’t look a day over 21, but all of your brahs do! While you may post up a pic of your girl 5 minutes after she woke up in the back of your Volkswagon to demonstrate the uncanny natural beauty that she possesses, your brahs are wondering why the hell you didn’t just push both of those hoopties into a lake and be done with them.

Finally, try going with the less is more approach, brah. Think of it this way. Let’s say you’re out one night, and you approach two different girls at the club. The first girls wastes no time in telling you about the new modeling portfolio that she just completed, how many guys hit on her at the local Starbucks while she was on her lunch break, and the big promotion that she’s up for at work. The second girl—equally as hot as the first—just sips on her hurricane the whole time girl number one goes on about herself. Which one would you bang right then and there on the spot, brah? The second one, of course! You know why, brah? Because, less is always more! Well, maybe not always. But, most of the time. What’s the point you ask? The point is that it’s cool if you’re kinda into your girl, brah. Just don’t be into her too much when it comes to Facebook and other social media. You got this brah!

7 Comments… add one
Hot Tamale May 23, 2013, 1:08 am

That dude’s wife looks like a hot tamale. Except no where near as delicious!

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Tired of Dumb Girls May 23, 2013, 7:59 am

I love the girl who comments on the status. Professions??? Stupid tard!

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rolex robbery May 26, 2013, 8:35 pm

And what is it about her that’s so happy to read the post? Her pu&&y???

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HaPPy HouR May 25, 2013, 1:24 pm

“Date night” at Sonic??? Haha!

Reply
Coconut Taste May 25, 2013, 7:01 pm

Sonic happy hour is the sh*t!

Reply
Wide bodybuild May 26, 2013, 4:56 am

sonic sucks

Reply
facebook sucks May 26, 2013, 5:52 pm

only insecure fags post sh*t like this on Facebook. get a life losers!

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