Randy Quaid Posts Bizarre “Sex Video” With Wife Wearing Rupert Murdock Mask

 

So, I know that it may have been quite awhile since I’ve published a new post on here, but never fear! I have not abandoned this site. Besides, this video of Randy Quaid boofing his wife while she wears a Rupert Murdoch mask is just too damn hilarious to pass up. Evidently, the video was originally posted on YouTube, but they removed it because they claimed that it violated their policies against harassment.

Now, I’m not really sure who the hell Rupert Murdoch is, and it really doesn’t matter. Any video that contains Randy Quaid, a Santa Clause beard, a “pack of lies,” a howling canine, and delusions of grandeur on a scale this depraved certainly deserves a spotlight. So, here’s the entire video that was originally posted on YouTube. Enjoy!

Brah Of The Month: Joe Pesci

Joe Pesci

My Cousin Vinny has got to be one of my favorite movies of all time. So, it’s high time that Mr. Joe Pesci rains down as October’s brah of the month. Whether he’s stabbing a local patron to death across the bar, stapling Macaulay Culkin to a wall, or jamming his chub stub into Sharon Stone’s mouth, it’s an unequivocal fact that Joe Pesci is one badass brah.

This tough, volatile, no-nonsense brah was born on February 9, 1943 in Newark, New Jersey. When he was younger, Mr. Pesci actually started out in the entertainment industry primarily as a musician. But, all of that changed in 1979 when he received a call from Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro asking him to participate in Raging Bull. From there on out, he went on to star in Goodfellas and Casino, and the rest is simply history. So, when Halloween rolls around this month, break out the italian suits and baseballs bats and pay homage to October’s brah of the month. You got this brah!

5 Gifts That Every Girl Will Love

Surprised Girl

Brahs suck at selecting gifts for girls. It’s a universal fact. And, it doesn’t matter whether the gift is intended for a friend, girlfriend, sister, mother, probation officer, manager, or the random, hot chick that is in charge of the bagels at Panera Bread. Finding a gift for a female that she actually likes and appreciates is right on par with finding a hooker who has a really great personality. But, just as the human eye eventually adjusts to the dark over a period of time, I believe that — through several brutal trials and tribulations — I have discovered a few select, safe gifts that every girl is bound to appreciate in some form or fashion:

Handbags — No matter what condition that their current one is in, and no matter how many that they already have, girls always seem to appreciate another expensive handbag that they can use to clutter up their closets with.

Puppies — This one should be obvious. Girls love anything that is cute, cuddly, and provides them with an endless and unrivaled amount of love, affection, and admiration. However, one should be careful to note that when considering a puppy as a gift, you must take care to consider what all other pets that she may already have.

Yankee Candles — Bitches love Yankee Candles. They can’t get enough of them! Nothing screams happiness to a girl like the sweet, synthetic smell of Christmas cookies baking in the middle of July.

Diamonds — Depending upon your budget, you cannot go wrong with diamonds. No girl is going to complain that she received a diamond to celebrate her new promotion at the Build a Bear Workshop. And, even if she hates the cut of the diamond, she’ll still appreciate it anyways because she can totally flaunt it in front of all of her girlfriends in a wretched attempt to make all of them jealous for absolutely no reason at all.

Flowers — I’ve known several girls who’ve said that they hate flowers or that they consider them to be inconsequential. But, it’s always a lie! It’s strange, but for some reason or another, girls seem to think that it’s cool or trendy to hate flowers. Present them with a fresh bouquet, however, and all of a sudden you’d think that they were Super Mario and had just found a flower power-up!

What Traits Should You Look For In A Girlfriend?

Perfect Pin

Anyone who knows me or has even bothered to read a few of my posts on this site surely knows that I have some rather novel and unique thoughts and ideas when it comes to girls, dating, and relationships. Some of these thoughts and ideas, I consider to be running rules of the universe which are set in stone for all of eternity. But, others — I have to admit — really just depend on my mood or demeanor at any given time. For instance, I typically tend to prefer blondes over brunettes. Blondes are fun, outgoing, adventurous, and they’re usually very generous lovers. However, this doesn’t mean that I’d automatically happy slap the first gorgeous, witty, and talented brunette that happens to come along my way.

So, it comes to me as no surprise that I recently received an email from a brah who evidently likes this site and was curious to hear what my idea of the perfect girlfriend would be. Unfortunately, I didn’t really have an answer readily available for him. But, his question did get me thinking. And, after a few days, I realized that I have absolutely no clue who or what would make the perfect girlfriend. After about another week of pondering this matter, I finally realized that, while I may still not have a definitive answer, this perplexing conundrum would probably make for either a really helpful post or — at the very least — a really entertaining one. So, without further restraint, here is a list that I randomly compiled of some of the traits, characteristics, and features that my ultimate, dream girl would necessarily possess…

  • She’d prefer a book over a movie;
  • She would open my beers for me;
  • She’d have a passport;
  • She would refrain from smoking cigarettes, cigars, and those ridiculous e-cigs;
  • She’d be a dog lover;
  • She would keep fit, but not be overly-obsessed with her diet or exercise routine;
  • She would have a rudimentary knowledge of automobiles;
  • She would be mildly proficient at playing at least one musical instrument;
  • She’d have a taste for old, classic, American films;
  • She would always chew with her mouth closed;
  • Her body fat percentage would not exceed 23 percent;
  • She would consider Die Hard a Christmas movie;
  • She’d have a unique timbre to her voice;
  • She’d prefer the symphony over a sporting event;
  • She wouldn’t ride a motorcycle, but she wouldn’t bitch about me riding one;
  • She’d know how to execute a passionate kiss without being a slut about it;
  • She’d leave work early to surprise me — not to check up on me;
  • She wouldn’t pretend to possess knowledge or information that she did not have;
  • She would think for herself;
  • She must stay up late with me at least a few nights a week and, by late, I mean 2, 3, or 4 in the morning;
  • She would prefer cold weather over warm weather;
  • She must hate the movie When Harry Met Sally;
  • She wouldn’t be more than 5 years older than me;
  • She’d take an Apple over a PC;
  • Under no circumstances would she have a Facebook account, unless is was strictly for a legitimate business purpose;
  • She’s have to still look hot even when her hair was in a scrunchie;
  • She must have a job;
  • She would never audibly fart in my presence or in public;
  • She must not be overly or aggressively judgmental;
  • She must smell good at all times;
  • She wouldn’t mind that I have tattoos, regardless of whether or not she had any;
  • While she would have a taste for all foods, she would especially love spanish and Mexican foods;
  • She would hate Justin Beiber;
  • She must have a dark side;
  • She’d prefer a late night walk as opposed to a nightclub, but she’d still be down for the occasional crazy night out;
  • She wouldn’t have any children;
  • She must be sarcastic;
  • She would not rely entirely upon me to support her;
  • She would prefer black bed sheets as opposed to white ones;
  • She must swallow;
  • Not only would she not have Snapchat, but she wouldn’t even know what it was;
  • She would not mind the private, inappropriate nickname that I would give to her;
  • She would appreciate art;
  • She’d have excellent driving skills;
  • She must know what BPM stands for;
  • She wouldn’t mind that I leave the stickers on my New Era caps;
  • She must appreciate a rainy day for the beauty that it is;
  • Her favorite season would be autumn;
  • She must find Penelope Cruz at least mildly attractive;
  • She must be able to tolerate even my most snarkiest friends and cohorts;
  • She would never stop surprising me;
  • She must be able to tell a story;
  • She’d want to sing along to 80’s and 90’s pop hits during long road trips;
  • She must not be afraid to fly or get retarded drunk at the airport;
  • Her first and last thoughts of the day would center around me;
  • She would not call me “daddy;”
  • She wouldn’t wear more than 5 pieces of jewelry at any given time;
  • She must refrain from taking selfies, unless another person appears along side her;
  • She must know what a WAV file is;
  • One of her favorite foods must be mashed potatoes;
  • She must not be from Arkansas;
  • She’d love her family but not allow them to exert an inordinate amount of control over her life;
  • She’d be able to win every single argument she became involved in, unless it was with me;
  • At Thanksgiving, she would make her stuffing with cornbread instead of white bread;
  • She must regard Lana Del Rey to be the songbird of her generation;
  • She’d have Sarah Jessica Parker’s scream;
  • Under no circumstances would she have participated in the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge; and
  • She’d love Red Bull.

A Telltale Sign That It Is Time To Breakup With Your Insta-Famous Girlfriend

Hiding Girl

I hate selfies. I rarely take selfies. In fact, the only time that you’ll probably find me taking a selfie or being featured in an Instagram video is… Nevermind, I can’t think of a single reason for taking a selfie. Make no mistake. Selfies are the devil. But, I am a brah. So, these feelings are only natural. Females, on the other hand, are a whole different story. Females love selfies. Most females probably plan at least half of their day around taking, editing, and posting selfies. In fact, I’d even venture to say that about 98.2 percent of females structure and define their entire sense of self-worth strictly based off of how their friends, family, and random followers respond and react to their selfies and various social media accounts.

We all know these girls. They are our sisters. They are our classmates. They’re our coworkers. And, while it may seem repulsive, morally repugnant, and downright demeaning, many of us may even be unfortunate enough for them to end up being our girlfriends from time to time. Yes, they’re snapping their selfies during our birthday celebration dinners with our families. They’re posting themselves on Instagram as we walk across the stage at our graduation ceremonies. They’re frantically trying to auto-focus and adjust the flash during our employer’s promotional product roll-out. Hell, they can’t even seem to manage to make a simple pot of coffee in the morning without engaging in a barrage of sad, profitless selfies.

Now, we…as brahs and gentlemen alike…sometimes begrudgingly accept this type of behavior from these insta-famous lunatics simply because they’re almost always smoking hot. But, there is one sure sign that there is serious trouble brewing underneath all of their excess concealer, glitter, and hair product:  a sudden and severe case of camera shyness whenever you happen to be around!

I once dated a girl for nearly 6 months, and she was constantly and feverishly taking endless amounts of the same, tired, old selfie the entire time that we were together. She didn’t work. She didn’t attend school. Nor, did she aspire to do anything else meaningful or even remotely productive with her life. No. She simply woke up, exercised, cleaned up, took selfies, edited them, and posted them online while taking extra special care to send each and every single one of them to me and God only knows who else. Needless to say, I had an entire 10 gigabyte memory card dedicated solely to storing all of her selfies that she had sent to me while we were dating. It wasn’t until we finally broke up, that I realized that I didn’t have a single, solitary picture of the two of us together. Not one!

And, this wasn’t simply a result of the opportunity having never presented itself. No, there were several concrete instances that I could specifically recall when our relationship could have been visually documented. However, this never happened because she would always out-and-out refuse to have her picture taken with me. She always had some subtle, overriding excuse as to why she could not allow herself to be photographed. She had just woken up. Her hair wasn’t just right. The skirt that she was wearing made her kneecaps look fat. It was always some bullshit!

The point, is that I didn’t care if she had just woken up or if her knees looked fat. I didn’t want a picture of the two of us so that I could post it on Instagram in some complicated, elegant scheme to entice random strangers to follow me. I simply wanted a picture of my girlfriend to privately commemorate a time that we spent together when I was reasonably happy. So, the next time that you find yourself with your girlfriend giving you absolute hell over having her picture taken with you in front of the shark tank inside of Caesar’s Palace while on your vacation, you got this brah!